Espresso Chronicles IV

Espresso-fueled ramblings [non-political]

Why am I still sitting in a doctor’s office in mid-2020 filling out 7 double-sided forms of paper with a crappy ballpoint pen? Of course the doctor rolled up in his Tesla and asked me questions about his iPhone 11 Pro Max pairing with his newest generation Apple Watch, but I’m out here chiseling hieroglyphics in stone so his staff can then take my data and manually type it into a computer before storing it in a manila folder in some crazy color-coded filing system that takes up 800 square feet of office space.

And then when I leave the office I get mail two weeks later — a paper invoice! What, pray tell, am I supposed to do with this? Write a check, gather a stamp, and mail some more paper back to you? Why ask for my email address on those forms? You’re never going to email me, right?

I got to the eye doctor and he wants to know if I’m peeing blood or have a loose stool. The answer is “no” but then my eye doctor wants to know the same thing 3 days later. Can this stuff be centralized? Let me tell you what I do have – tendonitis in my right wrist from all these damn forms!

You’ve Got to be Kidding Me

The other day a guy came to my house to fix my gutters. He texted me later to say he was going to drive by and deliver me an invoice. Say what? Dude, you need some help with your system! Just text me the invoice and I can text the money back to you. It’s called Apple Pay cash – hello? Unfortunately I missed him when he came back by so he left the invoice on my door. I did the only sensible thing and texted him to tell him I had his check ready for him to drive by and pick up. He replies back “can you just PayPal me”? Bro… You are missing the concept!


  • Can we get some efficiency in business?
  • Can we get the music on hold to sound right?
  • After 30 years of voicemail do we really need to be told what to do after the beep?
  • Can we establish a rule that if I call you and the call drops, I am the one that calls back. Don’t try calling me back when I called you in the first place! We end up with busy signals and voicemails trying to re-establish the call.
  • How about a Nashville transit plan that simply begins with timing the traffic lights? Too hard? And nuke the HOV lane, it’s a joke.
  • And finally, let’s make a restaurant with concrete floors, brick walls, tin ceilings, and put a guy in there with an acoustic guitar plugged into a direct box and $100 PA speakers from 1986 pushing 100db. Atmosphere? Or would you like 2 shots of tinnitus on the rocks?

Ok… time for 2 more shots of my own – cheers!

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